Tourchering Ron
by Ms-Sp3lt
Summary: Harry is bent on distroying Rons sainity and he will do anything to do so even if that includes wereing a mini skirt
1. Truth, Dare and Miniskirts

Truth, dare and miniskirts  
Disclaimer: I don't own don't sue

Harry stormed into the dormitory it was a Saturday and he was bored. Ron was lying on his bed reading a book. He looked up and saw Harry.

"Hey Harry what's up"

"I bored Ron BORED!! What can we do?" Harry complained.

"We?" Said a scared Ron thinking of the last time Harry was board and dragged Ron into his idea of fun

_FLASH BACK_

_(Harry)Ron_

_(Ron)Yes Harry_

_(Harry)I'm board how bout we spy on Hermione _

_(R)Yer ok_

_They Use brooms to spy threw the window of the girl's dorm_

_(Hermione)Who is that at the window?_

_(R)O Dear (falls off broom)_

_Harry flies up the tower and away from the tower_

_(Hermione opens the window and looks down)RON!!! HOW DARE YOU SPY ON ME I"LL NEVER TALK TO YOU AGAIN _

_END OF FLASH BACK_

"Yes we. Do you have any ideas?"

"Truth or dare" suggested Ron it was better than the last incident

"Ok you go first" Harry said excitedly

"Truth or dare"

"Truth"

"OK… Do you pick your nose" Ron said it was that or do you like my little sis he thought... he would not like to find out if it was the later.

"NO" Harry said hurridly taking his finger out of his nose "My turn truth or dare"

"Double Dare"

"Ok. I dare you to dance around in Hermione's miniskirt" Said Harry that would get rid of his boredom.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO… Wait I said DOBBLE DARE HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH" Ron screamed triumph

"What? OH … NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO… Wait Hermione only has 1 miniskirt." Harry said the last part triumphantly

"You can use Ginny's"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

Hp Theme music plays and Harry and Ron are dancing in two pink miniskirts

At the same time Hermione realizes here miniskirt is missing

Hermione barges in obviously worried

"HARRY! HARRY! I 'v lots my mini… Ron why are you wearing my miniskirt?"

"It's nice and airy" Ron replies nervously

Hermione razes her wand and is about to hex Ron (Who is running away) When the dark lord appears out of no where.

"I'll Challenge you MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH (cough cough I'm getting to old for this) HAHHAHAHAHAHAHA" Voldimort cries

"Wait aren't you meant to kill _**me**_? Like the prophesy and all, I'm here in a miniskirt without my wand and you attack her" Harry said confused he would like to do some thing interesting after all he was board.

"Shut up Potter I'll kill you later" Voldimort snapped

"K but do you mind before dinner I'm a very busy man" Harry replied

"Fine with me" Said the Dark Lord.

Hermione fights against Voldimort and manages to kill him.

Just before the curse hit him the Dark Lord cried 'I shall win I am immortal the hocruxes will save me. I am not…' This is when the curse hit him and he disappeared in a ball of flames.

"Now Ron" Said Hermione turning on him "You will have to pay for this perverting habit you have"

"But it was Harry's fault… Wait what are you doing with my broom… and that chainsaw…NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Authors note:

This is my first Fan fiction EVER so please please please give constructive criticism not just mindless flaming.


	2. No towel

?No Towel?

Ron had just taken a nice long shower. He had to put the fact that Hermione had turned his broom into saw dust which she then threw at Ron's eyes, making him blind for two days, and kicked him in the… But Ron wasn't going to look into the past. This was going to be a good weekend no Harry being bored, no falling of brooms and no miniskirts. It seemed that this weekend was gong to be perfect until… Ron reached for the towel as he got out of the shower grabbed at thin air and then realized… there were no towels. O the horror! The pain! the endless coldness as you let yourself drip dry. It was unbearable to even THINK about. Ron though desperately then he heard Harry coming down the stairs. HE WAS SAVED!

"Harry can you get dobby NOW" Ron called trying desperately to remain calm.

"No Ron I'm busy at the moment Ginny and I are… are … Going to practice Quiddich… yer Quiddich." Said Harry nervously.

"Harry this is an emergency please get dobby now!!" Ron Yelled

"Sorry Ron I'm the chosen one it's a full time job you know."

"JUST CALL DOBBY!"

A new voice joined into the argument "Mister Harry Potter sir Dobby herd his name being called and came to see you sir. Harry Potter Sir were are all of Mister Harry Potter's friend's?

"Dobby thank goodness there are no towels in here can you get some from the laundry?"

"Very sorry mister Harry potters friend but all the towels is in the girl's bathroom and only girls can go in there"

"What on earth is gong on?" Neville joined into the conversation.

"It appears that there are no towels in the bathroom and there are only towels in the girl's bathroom but none of us can get them because we are boys." Harry explained "Now Ron will be stuck in the boy's bathroom until he drips dry"

"O Dear what will we do?" Neville asked dramatically.

"What's the problem Potter?" As Draco came and joined the fun.

"Why do you care?" Ron cried out but no one listed to him

"Ron doesn't have a towel and he is stuck I there till we get one out of the girl's bathroom." Neville explained.

"Why did you tell him? WHY?!?!?!?!?!?" Ron yelled and was completely ignored by his "saviors".

"For once I feel sorry for the blood traitor so how do we get the towels from the girl's bathroom? Draco asked

"Get Hermione she's a girl she'll help us" Ron shouted frantically

The others didn't listen to him.

"Hey Guys what's going on" Fred said as he and George entered the drama.

"Wesley is stuck in there without a towel and we can only get one by going into the girl's bathroom" Draco Explained.

"My poor brother how will we get the towel?" George asked

"HERMIONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GET HERMIONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Ron Screamed desperately but was once again ignored.

"I have no idea how we can solve this problem"

"Whatever can we do?"

"How Horrible"

"Pore mister Harry potters friend sir"

"I know lets ask Dumbledore"

"Yer good idea"

"Excellent Potter"

"Brilliant thinking"

"Very good mister Harry potter sir"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GET HERMIONE!! PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!!."

But it was too late by the time Ron was half way trough his NO the boys had gone.

"Ron did you call me?" Hermione's said.

"Yes thank goodness please can you get a towel from the girl's bathrooms and give it to me."

"Sure Ron wait a second" footsteps are heard going away… footsteps are herd approaching.

"Mr. Wesley are you ok" Dumbledore said from the other side of the door.

"Yes sir it's all fine I just got Hermione to get me a towel she'll be back any minuet"

"Good well we all must go now see you"

Footsteps walk away. A Hermione's scream is herd from down the hallway.

"O No!!!!! MY TOWEL NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

Authors Note:

Thank you everyone who reviewed last time. I'm trying really hard to make fewer mistakes in my spelling in grammar and I really would appreciate it if you gave me some more great advice.


	3. 100 bottles of beer

100 Bottles of Beer on the Wall

Disclaimer: If I owned 100 bottles of beer on the wall I'd probably get stoned to death so I'm going to say I didn't!

Ron was sitting quietly in the corner of the common room trying to hide from Harry incase he was bored or trying to act hero. He was doing an essay from Snape which was meant to be 5 inches long. As usual it was due tomorrow and it was only 2 inches long.

"Hi Ron" Collin creepy… I mean Creavy said from behind him "Would you like to here this song I heard over the holidays!! It's really good! Would ya??" And without waiting for a reply he began to sing.

"100 bottles of beer on the wall

100 bottles of beer

You take one down and pass it around

99 bottles of beer on the wall

99…"

_What's beer_ thought Ron _does he mean butter beer? _His question remained unanswered as Creepy continued with the remaining 99 verses of the song. The song began to get annoying… very annoying. Ron only survived the last 20 verses because he was biting his finger nails.

"1 bottle of beer on the wall

1 bottle of beer

You take it down and pass it around

0 bottles of beer on the wall

100 bottles of beer on the…"

"WHAT YOU JUST DID 1 HOW DID THAT GO TO 100?!?!" Ron cried and was as usual ignored. He ran away from the Creepy boy but it just followed him and even worse people started to join in Harry, Fred, George, Hermione, Malfoy, Dumbledore even professor McGonagall.

"ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR" Cried the insane Ron and flung himself out of the window in the Gryffindor tower. The singing stopped for a moment then...

"100 bottles of beer on the wall….


	4. Ron are you gay?

Ron are you Gay

Ron are you Gay?

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry potter, avenue q or 100 bottles of beer on the wall. If I did this would be in the book.

_Ron was sitting in the dormitory. He had bared the windows and locked the door no one could hurt him now.  
_

"Aah, an afternoon alone with my favorite book, "Quiddich through the ages." No roommate to bother me. How could it get any better than this?"

_Ron said to him self but as if Harry had herd him the door burst open and Harry walked in.  
_  
"Oh, hi Ron!" _Harry cried._

"Hi Harry." _Ron growled this was just not his day. By the tone in his voice it was obvious that he didn't want to talk, of course Harry didn't care and kept on talking.  
_  
"Hey Ron, you'll never guess what happened to me during breakfast this morning. This guy was smiling at me and talking to me"

"That's very interesting." _Ron said not interested  
_  
"He was being real friendly, and I think he was coming on to me. I think he might've thought I was gay!" _Harry said in disbelief._

_Ron could see were this was going_ "Ahem, so, uh, why are you telling me this? Why should I care? I don't care. What did you have for lunch today?" _desperately trying to change the subject._

"Oh, you don't have to get all defensive about it, Ron..."

_Ron cut him off_ "I'm NOT getting defensive! What do I care about some gay guy you met, okay? I'm trying to read."

"Oh, I didn't mean anything by it, Ron. I just think it's something we should be able to talk about." _Harry tried to explain._

"I don't want to talk about it, Harry! This conversation is over!!" _Ron said_

"Yeah, but..."

"OVER!!"

"Well, okay, but just so you know" _Harry said as music started to play out of nowhere Ron looked at him in dread._

"**IF YOU WERE GAY  
THAT'D BE OKAY.  
I MEAN 'CAUSE, HEY,  
I'D LIKE YOU ANYWAY.  
BECAUSE YOU SEE,  
IF IT WERE ME,  
I WOULD FEEL FREE  
TO SAY THAT I WAS GAY  
(BUT I'M NOT GAY.)"** _Harry sang._

_Ron yelled_ "Harry, please! I am trying to read..." _Harry stared at him until he yelled _"What?!"

_This seemed to be an invitation to sing again._  
**"IF YOU WERE QUEER"**

"Ah, Harry!"

**"I'D STILL BE HERE,"**

"Harry, I'm trying to read this book."

**"YEAR AFTER YEAR"**

"Harry!!"

"**BECAUSE YOU'RE DEAR TO ME,"**

"Argh!" _Ron cried in annoyance_

**"AND I KNOW THAT YOU"**

"What?" _said Ron puzzled_

**"WOULD ACCEPT ME TOO,"**

"I would?" _even more puzzled_

**"IF I TOLD YOU TODAY,  
"HEY! GUESS WHAT,  
I'M GAY!"  
(BUT I'M NOT GAY.)  
**

**I'M HAPPY  
JUST BEING WITH YOU."**

"Quiddich reached North America…" _Ron read out loud trying to block out Harry's singing._

**"SO WHAT SHOULD IT  
MATTER TO ME  
WHAT YOU DO IN BED  
WITH GUYS?"  
**  
"HARRY, that's GROSS!" _Ron cried_

"No it's not!  
**IF YOU WERE GAY  
I'D SHOUT HOORAY!" **_Harry sang louder than before_

"I am not listening!"

**"AND HERE I'D STAY,"**

"La la la la la!" _Ron yelled with his fingers in his ears_

**"BUT I WOULDN'T GET  
IN YOUR WAY."**

"Aaaah!" _Ron cried finally losing all traces of sanity_

**"YOU CAN COUNT ON ME  
TO ALWAYS BE  
BESIDE YOU EVERY DAY,  
TO TELL YOU IT'S OKAY,  
YOU WERE JUST BORN  
THAT WAY,  
AND, AS THEY SAY,  
IT'S IN YOUR DNA,  
YOU'RE GAY!"**

"BUT I'M NOT GAY!" _Ron yelled defensively._

**"If you were gay."** _Harry finished._

"Argh!" Ron cried hitting himself in the head with the book and rolling around on the floor screaming at the top of his lungs. **"I'm NOT GAY I CAN"T BE I LOVE HERMIONE"**

_Seeing that his work here was done Harry left to tell Hermione what he found out._


	5. In the end

Ending

Ending

Ron was reading in the dormitory when Harry burst in.

"Ron I'm bor…" Harry started but was cut of when a book hit his head and he fell unconscious. Ron picked up his book and started reading, when he notice scribbled in the margin. IF YOU WERE GAY.

"ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRG will I ever be able to read Quiddich through out the ages in piece?!"

Obviously not.


End file.
